i got robbed at work today. or...almost robbed. he didn't rob me.

i went home an hour early from work and now i'm just home and....gawd.

the guy came in while i was reading my dostoevsky. i went to help him and clearly saw he was insane and drug addicted (open shirt, red track pants, wc fields nose, hadnt washed in years, etc). he asked to use my phone to call mental health and i said no and he instantly went mr. hyde. told me he was robbing me.
i hit the panic button that i keep right next to me like 80 times. then i locked up my cage and got on the phone with 911. he was screaming and throwing things at me (fortunately he didn't have a weapon) and he was just....spitting venom. finally he just as abruptly went to leave the store and i locked the door behind him (i have a switch in my cage) and right as he tried to walk out of the parking lot literally 10 fucking cop cars rolled up.

i love my boys soooo much. i know all the guys from us giving them free coffee, and they all love me, so they rushed to help me. and they did. and i'm just so fucking glad they were there.

the whole time after i kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal. it didn't really hit me til like ten minutes after the cops left. my mind was telling me to just chill out about it. but my body....god i've never felt anything like it. & i've been in some fucked up situations. i felt like i was going to puke. i was crying. i couldn't (still can't) think straight. & i'm shaking and my back is aching and....ugh. my body is just reminding me its a bigger deal than my mind thought.

no one really knows this. but when i was 18 and i went to miami i got held up. except it was a very, very twisted situation. this guy who told me his name was 'new york' had a gun. he got into my car. and he made me drive him around to get drugs for him for two days. this is something you won't ever hear me mention again. honestly--and it was literally so chilling to see it almost made me sick at the time--but my situation in miami was eerily akin to what david went through on six feet under. and for some reason ever since this happened tonight all i can think about is miami. which is something i've tried not to think about since the nights when i used to lay awake thinking new york was going to find me in wisconsin--since he took my ID and told me he would before he let me go. & i'm only copping out to using the 'tv as an example' thing cause a)it's deadly accurate and b) it's too hard to explain the details myself. no one has ever heard them. but god why is it i'm thinking about that now and crying when this happened? like tonight wasn't enough?

i feel so fucking weak. a fucking victim. it makes me sick. my boss told me i could have tonight off but i can't afford to miss so i'm going back. i'm starting to think i might have to stop working there, tho. but who knows, hopefully i'll be over this after a good morning's sleep.

is awesome, i think.
( i own a whole lotta obey now )

NBC released the 'cold open' for next week's office finale.

( vid under cut. spoiler, obviously )

i love the grocery store

this is awesome.
john cusack (♥) artistonartist interview with diablo cody.
in which they discuss meeting at the How I Met Your Mother cast party.
OMG. what i would do to be in a room w/ cusack and radnor.
interview here.

last night's lost. is like drinking loads of cherry coke. and forgetting to brush your teeth. and waking up the next morning. it just won't leave your mouth, and you keep making this face where your nose scrunches up and you half do an elvis lip curl. just...ew.

& i'm not even complaining from a shipper point of view. srsly. i'm complaining as a kate fan. i'm complaining as someone who thought lost lives above the average television rules. i'm complaining because even if i was a jack fan, i would be an honest one. ....and the last like....FIVE episodes centered around him (and fyi it just plain ain't fair how many episodes he gets. period. PER-I-OD.) have just plain been...dull. want to argue? go watch -ANY- desmond or sayid episode. if it wasn't for staring at foxy, what possible benefit do jack episodes have anymore?? do they further the story like learning of des's time travelling? do they teach us new things about people -outside of- his character, like ben or sayid episodes do? no. no. in fact, other character's episodes evenly balance your time to learn and love all your characters. wherein jack episodes are all JACK!JACK!JACK!. and for those of us not blinded by his pearly white smile, that's just lame.

*sigh*

but in good news. iamalreadyinuse has an awesome site now, all purdy and super funny. go to fanwanker.com. drop a comment. laugh so hard milk comes out when you haven't drank any in weeks. brilliantly funny.

also. katee on CSI would have been horrible. i want to see her getting work. badly. especially after bionic woman failed. but not only would CSI put her into a box she could never escape, it would encourage robotic (no pun intended) acting that only works in the example of CSI type shows. (see: forgetting sarah marshall) i hope it's true that it won't go through. i hope katee goes on to do movies. she would be all sorts of awesome in the new Dark Tower series. of course, that's just me.

*VOMIT*



and if that doesn't explain enough.....

BOOOOOOOOOO

so first my battery charger (i have nothing BUT rechargeables) died after having it for....roughly 13 years. so i had no batteries for my camera all day while i went to the beach, to friends houses, shopping, etc.
then today my computer is all sorts of frakked up again.

so the WITL project is gonna have to wait. but i'll try to post a few days in one entry when i can properly post everything. IF i can get this computer working...once....AGAIN. *sigh*

wish me luck.